It is about time to go back to the doctors in Denver and have the necessary tests that will tell me if I am clear of cancer, for now, or if I must go through further treatment. Of course, I realize that I will have to return every few months for the next several years, but this time is a huge hurdle to get over. Many of you have asked me if I am scared, and others want to know if I can tell by how I feel, if I am clear. I’ll answer the second question first; no, I can’t tell. I could not tell that I had it in the first place, so that is not a surprise to me. As to the question of being scared, that is a little more complicated to answer. I am not sure “scared” is the right word to use. Certainly, I face the idea of further treatment with a fair amount of dread – it will be unpleasant. However, the overwhelming feeling I have is calm, and a knowledge that whatever we find out, I will be able to handle it. That is a quiet strength that is new to me when facing something that I would have found frightening in the past. The other interesting thing about this belief is that it does not come from my head; it comes from somewhere inside me. My heart? Maybe, but for someone who used to live mostly in their head, this is a new sensation. It feels like a higher power has a hand on my back. I don’t know what it is or why it is there, I just know it is there, and I will be forever grateful for it. Maybe it is the combined effort of all of you; maybe it is part of that beautiful prayer quilt I sleep under every night. I don’t have to know what it is to draw strength from it and feel gratitude. I know that all of you will be with me when I am in Denver, and I will consciously keep you with me every step of the way. Thank you.
Next StepsIn Power of Love on March 11, 2011 at 7:18 pm