In Peace Accord, Power of Love on March 22, 2011 at 4:28 pm
I am back from Denver with the best news possible – no cancer anywhere! It has taken a few days for the realization to sink in; at this moment, I am cancer-free!
One thing I am sure of: this would not have happened without the power of prayer and love and support from all of you in this awesome community. I don’t think I will ever again take for granted the power of family and friendship and the power of connectivity among all people. One of us CAN make a difference, and all of us together can make a HUGE difference!
So what is next for me? The trick will be to stay cancer-free. I have always known that I would be different “AC” (after cancer) than I was “BC” (before cancer), but now I am there and I have to figure out what that looks like. It is easy to say generally that I know I have to eat differently and think differently, but what exactly does that mean? Figuring that out is my number one job right now, and I have no time to waste. I have been given a tremendous gift – a “second chance”. I will keep you posted as I continue on this unpredictable journey.
In Power of Love on March 11, 2011 at 7:18 pm
It is about time to go back to the doctors in Denver and have the necessary tests that will tell me if I am clear of cancer, for now, or if I must go through further treatment. Of course, I realize that I will have to return every few months for the next several years, but this time is a huge hurdle to get over. Many of you have asked me if I am scared, and others want to know if I can tell by how I feel, if I am clear. I’ll answer the second question first; no, I can’t tell. I could not tell that I had it in the first place, so that is not a surprise to me. As to the question of being scared, that is a little more complicated to answer. I am not sure “scared” is the right word to use. Certainly, I face the idea of further treatment with a fair amount of dread – it will be unpleasant. However, the overwhelming feeling I have is calm, and a knowledge that whatever we find out, I will be able to handle it. That is a quiet strength that is new to me when facing something that I would have found frightening in the past. The other interesting thing about this belief is that it does not come from my head; it comes from somewhere inside me. My heart? Maybe, but for someone who used to live mostly in their head, this is a new sensation. It feels like a higher power has a hand on my back. I don’t know what it is or why it is there, I just know it is there, and I will be forever grateful for it. Maybe it is the combined effort of all of you; maybe it is part of that beautiful prayer quilt I sleep under every night. I don’t have to know what it is to draw strength from it and feel gratitude. I know that all of you will be with me when I am in Denver, and I will consciously keep you with me every step of the way. Thank you.
In Hair Today/Gone Tomorrow--to the Keys! on March 8, 2011 at 10:33 pm
I am noticing that my hair is really growing these days. I did not ever lose all my hair – just a lot of it, and it quit growing completely. Now it is growing again, which I think is a really good sign! It does make me face a decision, though: do I stay a “hedgehog” or go back to something more traditional? Lots of people have told me they like the “hedgehog” hairdo, but do they really mean it, or are they just being kind? I can’t really tell, so my decision has to be based on what I feel like, not on what others think. Another life lesson? Maybe…….I have decided that I like the “hedgehog” look for now. As shocking as it was in the beginning, it has “grown”on me – pun intended. When my kids told me I looked like a “tough old broad”, I was okay with that. I am taking the money I am saving on cuts and coloring and putting it in a trip fund for the Florida Keys! I reserve the right to change my mind, but for now I am going to explore the “hedgehog/guinea pig” look for a while – I’ve never been a “tough old broad”before!