Susan Neder

Absence of Fear

In Uncategorized on February 22, 2011 at 6:08 pm

I have just returned from my first visit to the doctors in Denver since I left in January. This was not the visit that tells me if I am done with this – that visit is in mid-March, but I did learn that my blood work looks good and everyone I saw in the cancer center (doctors, nurses, technicians) all commented on how good and healthy I looked. I guess I look much improved from when they saw me last, and better than most everyone in there getting treatment that day. I commented that perhaps I was well and no one argued with me! Not conclusive proof of anything, but I am feeling better, so all of that gives me hope. Even more amazing to me was that I discovered on this trip that I am no longer as fearful as I have been all of my life. I am not ready to become a snake handler or a tiger trainer. The changes I noticed were much more subtle, but very profound for me. If you are a person who grew up a “scaredy cat” like me, and still feels that way often ( but has learned to mask that feeling to the outside world), then you know what I am describing. When faced with something that would have caused me a lot of fear before, I now feel a calmness and a confidence that I can handle anything and be okay. That is extremely empowering and the relief is amazing! Carrying fear is quite a burden, I have discovered, and it feels wonderful to be freed from it. I also noticed that when the fear is gone from an experience, a space opens up for curiosity and positive thoughts to come in, that never had a chance when the fear was there. Wow! I know there is a book out there about how fear is good, and perhaps I am “splitting linguistic hairs”, so to speak, but I really think caution, common sense and wisdom can keep most people out if trouble, unless they have a “karmic shotgun” pointed at them, in which case nothing can help them (see the Darwin Awards for examples of those people). I think books about how fear is a gift need to go onto the bonfire – mine is!

  1. I love this, Susan. I feel like I had a little tiny fraction of this kind of experience when lessi was born…everything was scary and painful and so BIG feeling, but there was no escaping the experience of childbirth, and hopefully everything would be better on the other side. I feel like since then, I’m much less afraid of everything. What we watched you go through was bigger, scarier, longer, and more painful than that and you just pushed through it hand handled it with grace. I’m not surprised that life feels more open and less scary on the other side. Good for you…now let’s go skydiving. KIDDING.

  2. Susan — What a great revelation for you! I hope it spreads in my direction. I think we all know instinctively that fear is not a good thing, but being able to put it aside is another matter altogether. Reading your observation makes me feel it is possible. I’ll work on that. So happy to hear that you are feeling better. Love, Suzanne

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: