I have just returned from my first visit to the doctors in Denver since I left in January. This was not the visit that tells me if I am done with this – that visit is in mid-March, but I did learn that my blood work looks good and everyone I saw in the cancer center (doctors, nurses, technicians) all commented on how good and healthy I looked. I guess I look much improved from when they saw me last, and better than most everyone in there getting treatment that day. I commented that perhaps I was well and no one argued with me! Not conclusive proof of anything, but I am feeling better, so all of that gives me hope. Even more amazing to me was that I discovered on this trip that I am no longer as fearful as I have been all of my life. I am not ready to become a snake handler or a tiger trainer. The changes I noticed were much more subtle, but very profound for me. If you are a person who grew up a “scaredy cat” like me, and still feels that way often ( but has learned to mask that feeling to the outside world), then you know what I am describing. When faced with something that would have caused me a lot of fear before, I now feel a calmness and a confidence that I can handle anything and be okay. That is extremely empowering and the relief is amazing! Carrying fear is quite a burden, I have discovered, and it feels wonderful to be freed from it. I also noticed that when the fear is gone from an experience, a space opens up for curiosity and positive thoughts to come in, that never had a chance when the fear was there. Wow! I know there is a book out there about how fear is good, and perhaps I am “splitting linguistic hairs”, so to speak, but I really think caution, common sense and wisdom can keep most people out if trouble, unless they have a “karmic shotgun” pointed at them, in which case nothing can help them (see the Darwin Awards for examples of those people). I think books about how fear is a gift need to go onto the bonfire – mine is!
Absence of FearIn Uncategorized on February 22, 2011 at 6:08 pm