A few of you have asked me if I am always “up” – is everything always funny? Do I ever get down? The answer is yes, I do get down. It is seeing the humor that pulls me out of that thought, and sometimes it takes me a day or two to get my sense of humor & balance back. So for those of you that may also be going through some of this yourself, please know that I do know and acknowledge the awfulness of this process, but I think this could swallow person up if they let it get the best of them, so I am making a conscious choice to not let that happen, but every day is a different fight.
The other day was a case in point for me: in addition to the other side effects I am dealing with, yesterday I learned that the skin in the “Netherlands” is literally melting off now because of radiation. The doctors told me not to let plastic too near the “Nether regions” because I am putting out so much heat that the plastic would melt and stick to what skin I have left and pull it off. This really shook me up and nothing was funny yesterday. To have said I was cross would have been an understatement. I was angry and scared… I think that it is important to acknowledge those feelings and not stuff them, but let them pass over me so I don’t get stuck in them.
What pulled me out of that ( I had to kick myself in the butt, which isn’t as easy as it sounds!) was going into the treatment center and seeing so many people much sicker than me that are probably suffering worse than me and some of those people were all alone. When I thought about all of the family and friends that are with me providing love and support, I felt so lucky and so blessed that I couldn’t stay down. I wish I could have gone up to some of those people and give them a hug and a warm cookie or something, but that would have probably gotten me arrested, so I decided to settle for smiling at everyone– did you know it is almost impossible to feel bad when you smile?