Monday morning came quicker than I had hoped – in the very early morning it was snowing here in Denver and the wind was blowing – very appropriate for my mood as we went off to get my “port” installed. I had never seen one, so I did not know what to expect – but my first thought was that it was BIG – like the end of a stethoscope – maybe a little smaller, but not much and lumpy and attached to it was quite a bit of tubing…..hmmmmmm……when they said that all of that would be buried in my chest so I would not see it (that was supposed to make me feel better, I think) I outwardly smiled and nodded, but what I really wanted to do was RUN, while shouting over my shoulder “no way are you stuffing all of that under my skin – are you crazy?”
At this point I had to call on some grace – the grace of gratitude, the grace of fortitude, and the grace of reverence for life and thank the cosmos for making this stuff available to me, but it was not easy. The actual installation was not comfortable but was ok, and I got to choose the music in the operating room since I had to be awake for this, so we all listened to Jimmy Buffett, of course. which helped alot – I think the idea of the port was worse than actually having it – and I seemed to be the only one bothered by the fact that they installed my port on my starboard side – oh well……that is not the only oxymoron I am running into with all of this!
Yesterday was “chemo school” and radiation practice (chemo school was about even more horrible side effects that could happen and what to do if they occur – I took copious notes just in case) and then today was my first day of chemo and radiation. I received my infusion pump that I carry around for the next few days that dispenses chemo 24/7 – I am naming it Lucrezia Borgia, in honor of the famous poisoner that poisoned a bunch of her husbands, I think, but we are not poisoning husbands – we are poisoning rotten little cancer cells!
Lucretia and I are getting to know each other today – we have had a few issues, such as me forgetting her and going off without her, but that is more uncomfortable for me than her so I am learning quickly. When I got back from the treatment center I had emails from Terri House showing lots of Rotarians at lunch today holding up Netherland flags saying “love Susan” – I can’t describe how wonderful it was to see those right when I got home – it was so funny and so uplifting – You guys are really amazing – I had not realized how down I was until I saw those pictures, and I did a complete turnaround – I feel back on top of this again – I will never be able to thank you enough for those pictures and the timing of them – and whoever had that idea, a special thank you to you.